The Grounds

I'm not sure why, but after a weekend full of tag (also insert "yard", "garage" and "junk") sale activities and preaching, we decided to switch the office and the school room yesterday.
Yesterday, it rained a rain that would make any rain forrest proud, which was an amazing blessing, because it could have rained just as easily and heavily this weekend, but alas, in God's sovereignty, it held off until yesterday. Rearranging always means finding things that you knew were there, but you didn't know you had.

I found cords to cameras and allen wrenches that went to some item from Ikea, but the most significant thing that I found and took a little time to read were my journals. My journals have sat on my bookshelf for nearly 3 years now and I haven't touched them, but as I moved a box of books today I came across one of my journals that I forgot I had. I began writing in it January 28, 2008. I finished this particular journal somewhere around February, of 2009. The last dated journal entry was January 18, 2009. However, there are many pages of full of streams of consciousness, notes from meetings or sermon preparation work after that last dated entry.

What made this particular journal so interesting is that it chronicles the time I spent after leaving Grove Avenue Baptist Church, in Richmond, VA and went through our arrival and start here in Massachusetts. If you were to compare this time in my life to the making of a cup of coffee, this would be the time where you just finished grinding the coffee beans and you are putting the grounds into the filter. It was a raw time, but a time that truly was on the cusp of seeing God brew something good.

As I look at this journal and compare it to other earlier journals, there is a distinct difference in what I am writing. The journals before this one is full of a sing-song dirge of self loathing and self hatred. I was constantly feeling sorry for myself or crucifying myself for various situations, feelings and sins. This journal was different though. For the first time, may ever in my life, I realized I needed to repent and that the work of the cross was sufficient for forgiveness and restoration.

I mourned out failure, fear, frustration, bitterness, hatred, and lots and lots of sin on these pages. But, instead of explaining them away or blaming others (or over-blaming myself), I repented.

I was broken from the "failure" of another ministry and church not succeeding. I was angry at a lot of people, myself included. But what God did was take my broken grounds and pour His Spirit through me as I repented and submitted to Him and He made something good.

He is still making something good.

Fully caffeinated and resting in His Grace,

Ryan

Hot Indignation

I was blessed this morning to get a break from being with my girls to go to the coffee shop and hang out for a couple of hours. As with most trips to the coffee shop, I have an agenda in mind, but it often get's readjusted by my "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" brain or circumstances in general. This morning was no different.

I was not scheduled to meet with anyone today. This was simply a study time. I ordered my usual at the coffee shop. When I know I am preaching on the coming Sunday, I will usually take a few hours to finish up (ahem...start) my sermon on Thursdays or Fridays. At one point when I was preaching regularly at Valley Church, I came in for months straight and ordered the same thing each week, a plain bagel toasted with a side of peanut butter (for only .25 cents extra) and a large coffee. During this stretch, I felt like Norm from Cheers. (Favorite Normisms) Every time I walked in, the baristas knew what I wanted and would even start the order before I reached the counter.

Today was an extra special day, because I got to use my Coffee Club Punch Card to purchase the coffee. After 10 punches on the card, your next cup is free....

BTW, I love the little dance I do with whatever barista is working on the particular day that redeem my card. It always goes something like this -

Barista - "You get a free cup of coffee today. What can I get you?"

Me - "I will take the largest cup of coffee that you are legally allowed to give me with the redemption of said card."

Barista (With simultaneous look of disgust and morbid amusement) - "One large cup of coffee." (Punches buttons on cash register.)

Me - "Do people actually participate in this program and order a small cup of coffee when they get a free cup?"

Barista (With only disgust now.) - "Some people don't want that much caffeine. So they prefer a smaller cup."

Me - "Oh. That seems to be a waste of effort. You pay the price to achieve such an accomplishment of having your card punched 10 times and then you settle for a small cup of coffee when you are allowed to have a large cup of coffee."

Barista (indignant) - "Do you want me to leave you room at the top for cream?"

Me - "Yes please."

Anyway, today was free large cup of coffee day, so the only item that was deducted from the gift card was the price of the bagel and the .25 cent peanut butter (some days you just have to live a little). You might think that I would splurge a bit more and maybe take on something else, say a scone or a fresh macaroon, but to you I say, "Get behind me Satan!"

I sat down ready to take on the text that I was asked to preach from, Psalm 119: 57-64. I had my preaching Bible and my Study Bible with me and I looked forward to spending the hour and a half refining the sermon. I was blessed to preach this sermon already last Sunday at the English Speaking Service of the Chinese Church of Amherst. That particular sermon went really well and really all I wanted to do was tweak some intro items to fit the MERCYhouse audience better and get a clearer understanding of the prior verses in Psalm 119.

As I read Psalm 119 1-56, I was taken back by many things, but verse 53 really sent my mind wondering. The writer writes - "Hot indignation seizes me because of the wicked, who forsake your law. ( ESV)

So here are my thoughts on this verse -

1. "Hot Indignation" would be an amazing name for a band.
2. I am not sure I have been seized by hot indignantion in a long time.
3. Would I need medication if I found myself hotly indignant?
4. Hot Indignation would also be a great name for a dance troupe - See here and here and finally here.
5. Notice why the writer is hotly indignant - because people forsake the law of God. This obviously needs to be understood with Gospel Glasses (thank you Robert Krumrey), but why be so offended (hotly indignant!) that someone would not follow God.
6. Do I need to be hotly indignant about this as well? Why am I not hotly indignant about this?
7. As my friend Matthew Thorne pointed out, "Hot Indignation" would also be a great name for a Taco Truck. (Touché my friend, touché in deed.)
8. Does all of this hot indignation spoken of here connect with church discipline?

So I have now given you a cookie, have fun with that mouse. Can't wait to see where this thought process takes you. 

With much love and fully caffeinated,

Ryan

Being Dad.

You may have noticed I redecorated the place. With all the change that 2012 brought, I thought it would be good to reflect these changes in this blog. One of the greatest blessings of being a pastor is the  times I get to spend discussing, counseling, dreaming and being with others over coffee at a place with a wonderful atmosphere that invites community and connection. Some amazing friends knew what a blessing coffee dates like these were to me and gave me a $50 gift certificate to my favorite local coffee shop. So what I hope to do is show the blessing of this gift by sharing how this time spent is so much more than coffee and caffeine.

I have to admit, $50 worth of coffee is a lot. I considered buying as many large cups of coffee as I could with that amount and spreading them across multiple tables. But alas, that is a lot of cream & sugar. (Yes, I do sissify my coffee a bit. Don't judge me.) I also considered buying a "round" for everyone in the coffee shop, but I simply couldn't pull myself to torture the barista on duty that much. My final thought for what to do with the $50 was to alternate buying the cheapest drink the coffee shop offered and the most expensive drink it offered each visit, but who am I kidding, I have enough things in my life to keep track of, coffee rotations would only add more stress.

I used this gift certificate for the first time today. It was one of the most important appointments that I was able to keep all year. It was a meeting with my three daughters. I took the three of them to get a warm drink after we went snow-sledding this afternoon. Western Mass was blessed with several inches of snow over the last week (White Christmas indeed!) and it all packed up very nicely making the hills around South Hadley frozen sledding lanes of sheer joy for all the kids of the area. The girls had a blast as they raced down the snow packed slope near the building where we used to meet as Valley Church. (More on that later.) We stayed for a little over an hour or just until the lure of a cup of warm hot chocolate could not be ignored any longer. Then we packed our plastic discs and leaky inner tube up in the van and headed to The Thirsty Mind to break into this $50 of caffeinated bliss.


I am playing single Dad this week because Christie has taken a group of Mt. Holyoke students to the Passion Conference in Atlanta. She left Sunday and will be gone until this next Saturday. I love that Christie is getting to experience this event this week with these women. This mentoring and ministry is part of what attracted me to her nearly 17 years ago when we began dating and she still loves to serve young women and point them to Jesus. So I can handle being single Dad for a few days.

First up to order was Kenzie and Kiah, who ordered a hot chocolate with whipped cream on top. This old standby usually lasts about 2 and a half minutes in the hands of these liquid chocolate fiends. Today was no different. No longer had the barista called out, "Two medium hot chocolate's with whipped cream!", and my two youngest girls had downed their drinks without ever coming up for a breath. It was impressive to say the least.

Next, Maddie ordered her favorite drink, a Peppermint Mocha with whipped cream. The combination of Peppermint and Chocolate is seriously too much for Maddie to turn down. Ice cream, cookies, cakes, you name it, it is her favorite. It always has been. My greatest fear has always been that someone would be selling magic Peppermint Mocha beans on the side of the road and Maddie would stop and trade her soul for a jar full. (This is why Maddie is forbidden from talking to strangers with jars full of beans... ever. No exceptions.) This drink didn't last much longer than her sister's drinks despite being served up last.


The final drink of the evening was mine and it was simply a large French Roast with room. I knew I would need to be up late tonight and I couldn't skimp on the caffeine. Unfortunately, the Thirsty Mind does not yet offer their coffee in an  IV bag to be taken intravenously. However, I am sure it on the table for development in 2013. (Patent Pending)

As we sat and enjoyed the ambiance of the Thirsty Mind, we talked about how fun it was to sled today,  what our plan for the rest of the night was and the dinner that we were going to go home to cook. Normally, I am the one at these coffee meetings who leads others and I am expected to have all the answers. Usually I am asking the questions to discover the problems and give the direction, consolation or encouragement. In other words, it was nice today to simply be with my girls and be Dad.

Lately, it has been really important to remember to be Dad. At the beginning of December, the church that we moved to Western Mass to plant, Valley Church, closed it's doors for good. I want to say publicly, that ending was the right decision, but it certainly feels anything but "right", especially as we draw to this reflective time of ending and anticipate new beginnings for 2013. As a man (please understand, I am speaking as a man, simply because I am one and am not inferring that women may not or cannot feel the same way), I struggle to not be identified by the successes and failures in my life and Valley Church has felt like an incredible, rotting, stinking, failure for a while now. With this constantly haunting me, it is hard to fight for joy in being a child of God, a husband and a Dad. Basically, I can't and won't recognize the Truth of Jesus and instead, I settle for the old nature of feeling the failure over and over because I feel like that is what I deserve. Unfortunately, the ones who then are forced to deal with the resulting state primarily are my wife and the girls. This past week, it so bad, I felt I had to move, do something, anything to simply go forward or if not forward, simply a direction different than the direction I was going in. Thank God I have an amazing place like MERCYhouse to move forward to. Today, moving forward meant I sat, drank my coffee, watched the girls enjoy theirs and took in the moment.

When I got this $50 gift certificate, I anticipated having deep, wonderful meetings and seeing God do amazing things. I didn't, however, know that the first appointment was solely for me. My girls were conductors of God's grace today as we sat and enjoyed our time together. I was recharged by this moment and God showed me Truth during this time. I still feel like a failure. Trusting Jesus in these moments and through these situations is a process of relationship. Today, I need to trust Him and experience His grace for what is true. Today, I need to recognize what I am feeling for what it is, feelings. They do not define me or determine who (or Whose) I am, was and will be. Thank you God for Jesus and what He did on the cross, which now truly defines and determines who and Whose I am.

So after today, there is $36.36 left on the gift certificate. I certainly look forward to spending it well. Happy 2013!

Coming Soon

Coming soon. The Rise of the McCullah Blog.

Colossians 3 Pt. 1

I was privileged to preach on this amazing text on March 21st at Valley Church. This was a continuing series on the Book of Colossians that we started in January and will end on the 28th of March. It has been a very Jesus centered book that was a great kickoff to Valley Church.

Three weeks ago, we looked at Colossians 3:1-4 - If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the the things that are above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set our minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

These verses set the tone for everything else that we saw in Colossians 3. Colossians 3 is full of very practical encouragements from Paul. He follows these verses up by commanding, imploring the people of the Colossians' Church to put to death sexual immorality, impurity, wrongful passion. He also encourages them to take off anger, deceit, lying, malice and slander.

Likewise, Paul encourages the church to put on compassion, kindness, humility and meekness, as well as having an attitude of forgiveness because they have been forgiven of so much. Paul connects the first 2 Chapters of Colossians with what he is encouraging in verse 14 & 15 when he says: "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts... let the word of Christ dwell in you richly..."

Paul lays out that putting to death and putting on these things, again, are works of the Spirit that prompt and compel our own willful acts. In other words, we see and experience the good love of the father and our champion Jesus Christ and in light of that, we are compelled to submit ourselves to what He asks us to kill (confess and repent of, flee from, consider of no worth or without life, decomposing) and put on knowing that these actions will bring life to the fullest and pleasing worship, not to mention the true work of the church.

If there is one thing to say about Colossians to this point it is this, it is Jesus centered. Jesus from beginning to end is the hero. He goes before us, lives in us, and is behind us. This Jesus centeredness is the foundation for what comes next in Colossians 3:18-4:1. Stay tuned for Colossians 3 Pt. 2

People Watching in Western MA

I am not sure if this creepy or not, but I love people watching. I love watching what is so important to people and how they react when those important things are challenged or threatened. The mall is the best place to people watch. There are plenty of "important" things for people to pursue and their facial expressions, body language and to a much lesser extent, their own words write the story of that pursuit. It is quite hilarious and at times really discouraging to see human depravity at it's finest.

However now, being a church planter/pastor/older creepy guy, I find the local coffee shop to be a much appreciated and richer place to watch people go about the "important" things in their lives. The coffee shop is much less

out loud and much more introspective, which is fine with me, because I get to create their inner monologue.

Unfortunately, today, their was a young woman who decided to not have a silent inner monologue, but in a tragic decision, decided to let everyone in the coffee shop know what she was thinking. It started when she walked in. She was wearing a green shirt that simply said

"Treehugger" across the front. (Ryan's internal monologue insight #1:"Sister tree's aren't the only things getting hugged by that tight shirt right now." ) She proceeds to walk up to the

counter loudly talking to her friend about "What this area really needs is...". I can't honestly tell you anything after that, because I have been conditioned by Fox News, talk radio and a history of a legalistic church to shut down upon hearing those words.

She orders her Chai tea with non-fat organic creamer and a twig from a holly bush and sits at the table next to me and begins to include all the coffee shop in the conversation she is having with her friend. The topic? I have no idea. I'm not sure there was a common thread to any of the conversation. It began with a story about seeing an ad for free massages. (Ryan's internal monologue #2: "If you see an ad for a "Free Massage" and you think, "What a great idea! I can't wait to partake of this soothing activity from a total stranger at their house out of earshot of anyone outside the house who could help me if the masseuse decides to tenderize your head with a sledgehammer", then you deserve to die a grizzly death I guess.) The girl then continued telling the story about going to the address of the ad and finding a couple who gave massages (Ryan's internal monologue #3 - All I can think of is this: Will Ferrell Hot Tub Lovers) and had lots of cats. (R I M #4 - Of course they did.)

As if this weren't enough, in the same sentence, without a break, this conversation turns to the geological make up of the mountains of Western Massachusetts. I am not kidding. There was no cheesy transition like, "Speaking of relaxing activities, I was studying the geology of the mountains of Western Massachusetts the other day to relax from a long day of being exposed to the soul stealing entities of electricity and indoor plumbing, and you will never guess what I found out, they are mining those mountains for Pixie Stix!". Nothing like that. It was as if someone just pushed the button to change the channel on the conversation in mid sentence. Free massages from a flyer one minute and Historical Geology the next.

However, the most random and telling thing happened after the tight-shirted treehugger's (R I M #5 - I don't say "treehugger" in a Fox News/Rush Limbaugh derogatory way. I refer more to the self-labeling and circulation challenging t-shirt) friend left the coffee shop and she was left alone. As they were settling into their table, the tree hugger stood up quickly and announced that she needed sugar in her organic, chai, rosebud flavored tea. However, as she stood up, she glanced at her friend, saw that there was something wrong and then sat back down just as quickly and said, "Silly me, I am drinking chai, you don't need sugar for chai." The conversation about the massage and the rocks then took place and about 20 minutes later, the tree huggers friend left the coffee shop. As soon as the door closed, the tree hugger went over to the condiments table and dumped sugar into her tea, drank two sips and poured it out.

When we first arrived in Western MA, we were introduced to the culture by a variety of sources. A couple of women who had just recently graduated from Mount Holyoke College took us around campus and explained how it is common for women to arrive on campus and change their identity a full 180 degrees just to fit in. These changes usually take many forms and some much more drastic than what I saw this morning, but it was a great reminder of who we are ministering to. And it also was a blast to watch.

"My hypocrisy knows no bounds."

Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday, Tombstone

Achan in Our Bones. Pt. 2

This happened. Jesus happened. Jesus paid the debt that was and is owed. He satisfied the wrath of God forever. All of God’s wrath was poured out at the cross. Just listen to these verses:

I Corinthians 5:21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Romans 5:9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.

Romans 3:21 But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it— 22 the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, 25 whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. 26 It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

Hebrews 2:17 Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. 18 For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

I John 2:2 He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.

I John 4:9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

To sum up all of these verses again, God didn’t change. He is a Holy God who still demands a sacrifice for transgressions against Him and mistrust in His character. However, this is a Holy price that we are incapable of paying. In fact, Paul says that the law, the Old Testament rules and regulations by which Israel lived and which Jesus fulfilled were given to prove we are incapable.

Enter Jesus. All of history is HIS Story of redemption. All history is His Story of rescue and propitiation, taking on what He wasn’t guilty of to pay the high price of the guilty, which includes me, you, everyone of us who have ever lived the Bible says.

But wait a second. When we examine Achan, you have to point out that he really Sinned, with a capital “S”. This was a big deal. 1.8 million dollars? From God non the less. That is a big time crime. Granted. It was a big deal.

But are we really any different than Achan. Look at what Achan took from God: His gold and silver.

Who is responsible for providing for you? Who gives good gifts to His children and provides for their every need? Biblically, all of our life and everything in it is God’s. He deserves it all. Do we withhold even a portion of it? Do we take from His “first fruits” to do the things we think we want and need because be believe if we don’t we will not be taken care of? Do we date and do relationships the way we want because doing the way God wants is too constricting and not nearly as fun? All of these steal from Him. All of these are acts of worship of us. In each case, we tell God we are better god than He is. That is no different than what Achan has done.

What about that “goodly Babylonish garment”? Wearing or even owning this Babylonian robe would have given Achan or anyone who owned it status, great status. For a Jew to have it and wear it around would have been saying, “Look what I have now! Look what I did! I defeated the Babylonians!” It is saying, “I came, I saw, I conquered.” Simply, Achan’s sin is the foundational sin of all other sins I believe, pride. Achan, like us wanted this garment to wear and gain status with whoever would recognize it and admire it and in turn, admire him for having it. Babylonian garments are not quite as chic as they used to be, but many other things certainly are. Certain technology, the right car, clothing, style or look and even the right cause to support all serve as pride boosters for us. We cloak ourselves in these things to gain favor from others. We gain status by owning them and using them. Again, we are no different than Achan.

Some of you may be hearing this and saying, sure I do those things, but I do these other things to make up for it. I am saving the planet or I treat others with respect at all times or I even read my Bible a lot. The Bible calls this philosophy religion. Jesus doesn’t think to highly of it and Paul call your own “earned righteousness”, a bloody tampon. (Take it up with Paul.)

We cannot earn our way back to God. Achan could not “do” anything to satisfy God’s righteous wrath. He sinned against God. Done deal. He was doomed. He couldn’t take it back, give it back, say he was sorry in a real sincere tone, wax the Ark of the Covenant and be OK. Being right with God doesn’t work that way.

Only through the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ can we be right with Jesus. Only through what this bread and this cup signify is true life found. On the night before Jesus was brutally murdered as the last and only complete sacrifice, He took bread like this and said, “This is my body, given for you.” He is pointing to being that sacrifice for us that we cannot pay. Also that night, He took the cup and prayed over it and said, “This is my blood of the covenant poured out for many…” He again pointed to this being a covenant between His Father and us. This covenant like the covenant Dan talked about last week has God’s roles and our roles spelled out. God’s role; to come, live a perfect life, die a horrible death, raise from that death on the third day and then give us forgiveness and life from our past sins, current sins and future sins. Our role: Believe, follow, and allow His light to shine in us for His glory and our perfect good.

For many of you today, accepting this gift of salvation and no longer being responsible for the curse and penalty of your sin is as simple as praying to God and asking His forgiveness and accepting this grace. Remember when Joshua told Achan to “give glory to the God of Israel and give praise..”? This is what you have a chance to do this morning. Pray this to Jesus. Tell Him you have sinned and need His rescue now. Then, step out this morning and partake in this communion. There is nothing magical about this bread or this juice (It was probably bought at Big Y and their aren’t many magical things there.), however, what it represents is supernatural. Jesus did die for your sins and is offering you salvation this morning.

For those of you who have been rearranging your flesh to do the good things and stay away from the bad things in hopes of earning enough God points to be OK, repent of your religion. Pray that Jesus would forgive you for being self-reliant and for not submitting yourself to Him. Come and take this communion and remember that the cross only gives us freedom to live, love and worship.

For those of you who are living in this grace and mercy now, let this again remind us of the greatness of our Savior King. Respond to this message again in a fresh way by going crazy as you sing to your Savior this morning. Take the words to these songs and put deep inside of you and let them explode out as you sing. Worship out loud this morning for the glory of our King Jesus.

We all share in Achan’s sin. We are all guilty of the same pride that he had which God took issue with, however, we are now offered the love of a Savior Who has loved and rescued us from our own death.