Being Dad.

You may have noticed I redecorated the place. With all the change that 2012 brought, I thought it would be good to reflect these changes in this blog. One of the greatest blessings of being a pastor is the  times I get to spend discussing, counseling, dreaming and being with others over coffee at a place with a wonderful atmosphere that invites community and connection. Some amazing friends knew what a blessing coffee dates like these were to me and gave me a $50 gift certificate to my favorite local coffee shop. So what I hope to do is show the blessing of this gift by sharing how this time spent is so much more than coffee and caffeine.

I have to admit, $50 worth of coffee is a lot. I considered buying as many large cups of coffee as I could with that amount and spreading them across multiple tables. But alas, that is a lot of cream & sugar. (Yes, I do sissify my coffee a bit. Don't judge me.) I also considered buying a "round" for everyone in the coffee shop, but I simply couldn't pull myself to torture the barista on duty that much. My final thought for what to do with the $50 was to alternate buying the cheapest drink the coffee shop offered and the most expensive drink it offered each visit, but who am I kidding, I have enough things in my life to keep track of, coffee rotations would only add more stress.

I used this gift certificate for the first time today. It was one of the most important appointments that I was able to keep all year. It was a meeting with my three daughters. I took the three of them to get a warm drink after we went snow-sledding this afternoon. Western Mass was blessed with several inches of snow over the last week (White Christmas indeed!) and it all packed up very nicely making the hills around South Hadley frozen sledding lanes of sheer joy for all the kids of the area. The girls had a blast as they raced down the snow packed slope near the building where we used to meet as Valley Church. (More on that later.) We stayed for a little over an hour or just until the lure of a cup of warm hot chocolate could not be ignored any longer. Then we packed our plastic discs and leaky inner tube up in the van and headed to The Thirsty Mind to break into this $50 of caffeinated bliss.


I am playing single Dad this week because Christie has taken a group of Mt. Holyoke students to the Passion Conference in Atlanta. She left Sunday and will be gone until this next Saturday. I love that Christie is getting to experience this event this week with these women. This mentoring and ministry is part of what attracted me to her nearly 17 years ago when we began dating and she still loves to serve young women and point them to Jesus. So I can handle being single Dad for a few days.

First up to order was Kenzie and Kiah, who ordered a hot chocolate with whipped cream on top. This old standby usually lasts about 2 and a half minutes in the hands of these liquid chocolate fiends. Today was no different. No longer had the barista called out, "Two medium hot chocolate's with whipped cream!", and my two youngest girls had downed their drinks without ever coming up for a breath. It was impressive to say the least.

Next, Maddie ordered her favorite drink, a Peppermint Mocha with whipped cream. The combination of Peppermint and Chocolate is seriously too much for Maddie to turn down. Ice cream, cookies, cakes, you name it, it is her favorite. It always has been. My greatest fear has always been that someone would be selling magic Peppermint Mocha beans on the side of the road and Maddie would stop and trade her soul for a jar full. (This is why Maddie is forbidden from talking to strangers with jars full of beans... ever. No exceptions.) This drink didn't last much longer than her sister's drinks despite being served up last.


The final drink of the evening was mine and it was simply a large French Roast with room. I knew I would need to be up late tonight and I couldn't skimp on the caffeine. Unfortunately, the Thirsty Mind does not yet offer their coffee in an  IV bag to be taken intravenously. However, I am sure it on the table for development in 2013. (Patent Pending)

As we sat and enjoyed the ambiance of the Thirsty Mind, we talked about how fun it was to sled today,  what our plan for the rest of the night was and the dinner that we were going to go home to cook. Normally, I am the one at these coffee meetings who leads others and I am expected to have all the answers. Usually I am asking the questions to discover the problems and give the direction, consolation or encouragement. In other words, it was nice today to simply be with my girls and be Dad.

Lately, it has been really important to remember to be Dad. At the beginning of December, the church that we moved to Western Mass to plant, Valley Church, closed it's doors for good. I want to say publicly, that ending was the right decision, but it certainly feels anything but "right", especially as we draw to this reflective time of ending and anticipate new beginnings for 2013. As a man (please understand, I am speaking as a man, simply because I am one and am not inferring that women may not or cannot feel the same way), I struggle to not be identified by the successes and failures in my life and Valley Church has felt like an incredible, rotting, stinking, failure for a while now. With this constantly haunting me, it is hard to fight for joy in being a child of God, a husband and a Dad. Basically, I can't and won't recognize the Truth of Jesus and instead, I settle for the old nature of feeling the failure over and over because I feel like that is what I deserve. Unfortunately, the ones who then are forced to deal with the resulting state primarily are my wife and the girls. This past week, it so bad, I felt I had to move, do something, anything to simply go forward or if not forward, simply a direction different than the direction I was going in. Thank God I have an amazing place like MERCYhouse to move forward to. Today, moving forward meant I sat, drank my coffee, watched the girls enjoy theirs and took in the moment.

When I got this $50 gift certificate, I anticipated having deep, wonderful meetings and seeing God do amazing things. I didn't, however, know that the first appointment was solely for me. My girls were conductors of God's grace today as we sat and enjoyed our time together. I was recharged by this moment and God showed me Truth during this time. I still feel like a failure. Trusting Jesus in these moments and through these situations is a process of relationship. Today, I need to trust Him and experience His grace for what is true. Today, I need to recognize what I am feeling for what it is, feelings. They do not define me or determine who (or Whose) I am, was and will be. Thank you God for Jesus and what He did on the cross, which now truly defines and determines who and Whose I am.

So after today, there is $36.36 left on the gift certificate. I certainly look forward to spending it well. Happy 2013!