If I had my way...

This trip to Oklahoma has been a blessing and a curse at the same time. We have had an amazing time with so many of our friends and family and at the same time we know that the time will come soon (next week to be exact) when we will have to leave and go back to telephone and Internet relationships. So in honor of that, let me dream a bit about what a perfect Ryan constructed world would be like. Consider this like an alternate universe for all you comic book geeks or Neverland (not to be confused with Neverland Ranch) for everyone else.

Our family would live in a town outside of the Bible Belt where few people know Jesus and we would be planting a church. The staff would include our future ministry team at Mercyhouse and our new friends from Fuelchurch in Poteau and the same excitement and hope would be leading us that is leading them toward the cross right now. My great friend Matt Duke would be our lead elder and specialize in ministering to Chicago Cub fans who are crushed yearly by the expectations of a World Series. His wife, Angie Duke, would serve as our Care ministry coordinator and minister. She would take care of all the felt needs of people that will build bridges to eventually carry the weight of the gospel. My friend Matthew Ussery would help me teach and stay theologically straight as we ministered together. He could also relate to the Cub fans because he is from Seattle.

On staff with us would be my great friend Josh Craig who would serve alongside my father in law, Robert Beavers as the counseling ministry and team of our church. When those Cub fans sink into that deepest depression, they would go see Josh and Robert and they would walk them through what it takes to connect with Jesus again. These guys would help our church go where few churches have gone before as we communicated through, prayed through and faithed through setting up a proper foundation of where church and community coexist with counseling and health.

Our staff would also include my next great friend Will Joyce who would head our arbitration and reconciliation ministry. Will would be available to the community and area to help arbitrate and settle disputes between people who simply can't come to a resolution, but trust the character of the church and Will so much that they will live by what he and his ministry team decide.

My mentor Tom Westbrook and his family would be the patriarchs of the church, because every church needs Godly leadership and a wise kick in the backside every now and then. Tom has a rich history of kicking my backside.

My wife Christie would partner with our dear friend Kelly Carlson to lead a ministry that engages in the lives of International Students and provides practical service and ministry to these overlooked segments of American population. Cara Yakel and Brittany Gumm would both lead various parts of this ministry to reach these students and without a doubt, this ministry would be full of compassion and mercy with these three precious women involved.

The graphic design and video team of our church would be beyond belief. My great friends John Carlson, Kelly's husband (he loves being introduced that way) and Cara's husband Matt Yakel (he doesn't mind so much), would lead a talented team of designers and Mac lovers that would include our friends, Jace Tuttle, Josh Craig's soon to be fiance, Emily, our amazing friends Matthew and Michelle Thorne. There would not be a video and design team more creative, talented or fun in all the world.

Our church would offer a free clinic for people to find basic medical and developmental needs and our friends Paul and Shanda Yasuda would lead this ministry as Will Joyce's wife, Rachelle would also work with kids with speech problems to help them in whatever developmental problems they may have. My sister in law Kara would help kids who are having trouble in school or learning situations by ministering to help their families recognize what might be going on from a learning development situation. Our precious cousin Jennifer Richards would help organize and distribute the needed medicine in this clinic.

My brother Justin McCullah would lead the sports and recreation ministry of this church. His wit and wisdom that he uses daily as a coach in OKC would serve him well as he provides opportunities for ministry in a fun way. Jennifer's husband, Fred Richards would help take care of the Golf Tournaments and grounds of this church. Christie's brother, Michael Beavers, would be in charge of leading all hunting and fishing expeditions. And this ministry alone would be grounds for more competition, male testosterone and turned ankles than any other ministry.

I would try to convince my friends Colt Westbrook, Eric Meyers and/or Jason Goodson to come lead the band of our church. Many of those that I already mentioned would add to this team that would lead us weekly (daily?) into the presence of the King through song.

Our friend Fallon Brooks would give direction to the buildings and the structure of what we would need from a campus perspective. She would also serve, along with Brittany Gumm, as encouragement coordinator, simply by being who they are today and a testimony to what Jesus has and can do in the lives of people who seek Him.

My dad, Gene McCullah would fix all the little things that might go wrong on these building and grounds. His wife Joanne would help us figure out how to pay for all of this ministry stuff and be the minister of Ooey Gooey Butter Cake.

Our mom's, Vickie Jirash and Judy Beavers, would provide the grandmother touch for all the children that are involved in such a dream like this. They would lovingly guide and represent what is best about family. Between these two, these kids would be blessed with the gift of music, reading and the best brownies you have ever tasted in your life. They would be helped by Terrie Brown and Ashley Barry who would give love and compassion daily as well. Our Sister-in-Law, Meagan Beavers would be in charge of the animal rescue shelter and coordinating the kids time playing with and learning about all of the animals.

I would have all of our other friends and family attend this church and we would work to love and serve the community at large. We would also partner with, support and pray for our missionary friends like, many of whom are in crazy places of the world that would don't look kindly upon missionaries. (This may or may not be a veiled attempt to point fingers at Massachusetts.)

If we had all of these people doing all of these things, then I could simply slide fully into my role of minister of janitorial services and enjoy the beauty of what God would do through a team such as this.

I know this is a dream only. Truth is, if I lived around most of you for an extended period of time, you would want to shoot me in the face with a high powered rifle. But, I hope this communicates the encouragement that I take from each of you and your families. It has been amazing to see what amazing husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, friends, leaders and followers of Christ you have all become where you are. I am sure that God's plan of having you where you are and taking us where we are going is part of His greater plan to spread His fame.

Satan's Pillow

As many of you know, we are on a tour of Oklahoma, seeing family and sharing the vision of what God is doing in our lives. We are blessed to have family that will love us and allow our children to "redecorate" their houses. (Mikiah is making a fine wallpaper stripper. That almost sounds dirty.) We have been made comformtable and shown love everywhere we have been.

However, there is one thing that must be addressed to all of America and the world. I believe it is at the core of why America's ecomony is slipping, we are paying $4 for gas and the borders are not secure. The reason for all of these things is this pillow that you see here. Apparently it is called a Gathered Pillow Sham. All I can say (actually that is not true, but it is a figure of speech) is that it certainly is a sham... a sham of a pillow!

Somewhere, the woman who invinted this tool of Satan is smiling and laughing aware of the evil that she unleashed on the world at large. How do I know it is a woman responsible for this? LOOK AT IT! No man in his right mind would create that on the sewing machine, stand back and marvel "Holy crap Jeff, I think I just made sumfin good here."

I'm not a moron. (Stop laughing!) Iknow that these things are more for looks than anything, but every bed I have slept in has had pillows like this stacked on them that look like a challenge from Double Dare. I am afraid to remove them the wrongway or else I will get slimed. It is like culling through the carcassas of the dead on the battle field in order to find a place to erect a statue in your honor.

This thing is a pillow, usually really flat or extremely plump, with a frilly piece of cloth sewed around it. It serves no purpose and is impossible to sleep on. The frill sticks out and ends up tickling your nose or stuck in your mouth. (Where is your hand? Between two pillows. Those aren't pillows!)

I can't help but believe that these things are the great symbol of the feminization of the American Male. They are placed there to say "Look at us, we're a pillow...a special pillow just for you big boy." We as men don't want and shouldn't have to settle for "special" pillows; we want plain, white and firm.

Now for a man pillow, you must go to the body pillow. Seen here. That is a pillow with a purpose. It is for the man to wrench and wrestle into submission, then pass out on top of. Man pillow. Pillow of the man. Do us all a favor and help stop blatant liberalism and make the switch today.