You never know.

If you ever wonder why God puts people in your life, then let me tell you a story. When I was in college, I was part of a spiritually encouraging and forming group at University Heights Baptist Church in Stillwater, Oklahoma. This group was filled with snot nosed wing nuts like myself as well as other students who were more formed in their faith, like my wife. I made many life long friends in this group, found a mentor and even met my wife (not the wing nut) in this group. To only be a part of this group for a year, it is amazing to see what God did and how he bonded and formed us in this time. After college, we went our separate ways and served and ministered in places all over the world. Strange places like Poland, Vietnam and Massachusetts. With the advent of social media, we would leave a note celebrating a birth, anniversary or birthday, but every now and then, we have a situation like the one we have been dealing with this past week and these relationships grow even greater. Our family and staff at Pine Brook have been ministering to a family whose father has had a very rapidly developing case of liver cancer. This precious family made plans to take one last trip together to see the Grand Canyon. Last week, they left and were able to spend some time together seeing the canyon in a helicopter and enjoying their moments together. Toward the end of the week, the father developed serious complications and they were admitted into a hospice care facility near Phoenix, AZ, where they are trying to make his final moments as comfortable as possible. Our staff got the call and we knew we couldn't do much from 2,200 miles away. As we prayed about how to minister to them, technology and social media was a blessing, but we knew there was no replacement for being there, hugging them and pointing to the ultimate comfort that comes from Jesus.

This is where those relationships established years ago in this wonderful group becomes important. Bryan Intemann was one of my closest friends during this time and God had led he and his family to minister in Phoenix within the last few years. I messaged him about the situation and asked if he would go to the hospice center about and hour away from his office and he arranged to go see the family at once. Along the way, we texted, talked on the phone and stayed in contact about ministering to the family during this difficult time. He spent time praying with the family, hearing their stories and even making a french fry run for their two boys. As he left yesterday, he called and thanked me for the opportunity to be a part of ministering to this family. This morning, I received a text from him saying the family had texted him and asked him to come back to the facility because the father had taken a very bad turn overnight. I called the mother and prayed with her and through her tears, she spoke of how comforting it was to have Bryan there yesterday and on his way to be with them this morning. I know when Bryan is done praying with them later today, he will call and we will discuss what he saw and experienced. It will be hard for both of us and by this time tomorrow, this father may have passed away. However, it won't be before God used a rag, tag group of snot nosed wing nuts to encourage this family, share his gospel and bring glory to Him. Please pray for this family and join us in worshipping Jesus well during this time.

"So, what exactly are you doing now?"

I love this question because it means someone cares enough and is invested enough to want to know what is happening with us. I also hate this question because it means that they have been invested with us and know things have changed. I hate trying to navigate the explanation. But here goes.

Where have we been?
In August of 2008, we moved from Richmond, VA to South Hadley, MA in hopes of planting a church. Upon arrival, we connected and settled in nicely at MERCYhouse (www.knowmercy.org) where I interned for a year as a church planting intern, learning the culture of New England and building relationships with people from MERCYhouse that were driving in from the South Hadley area. During this time, we began to host a small group in our home that in the course of a year, grew to over 40 people. It included a time where the men and women would connect in prayer, including a time where the men would meet in my basement surrounded by power tools and (never used) workout equipment, talk about theology, scripture, confess our sins and repent.

This growth caused us to move our timeline along quickly and in January of 2010, we began meeting as Valley Church and launched officially on Easter of 2010 where we saw over 90 people attend our first service. Valley Church was an amazing time and a challenging time as well. I cannot tell you the number of amazing friends that we made during that time and the lives that were changed as we encouraged people to worship Jesus and consider His Glorious Grace. Valley Church was blessed with a core group of young adults and young families who were constantly facing new things in life daily like marriage, kids, job relocation and time management. I learned a lot about leading a group like this, including the fact that I simply am not the right guy to lead an entrepreneurial enterprise like a church. I love shepherding people and seeing them grow in their affinity for Jesus, even in the simple daily things of  every day relationships and hospitality. In the end however, a church, especially a new church in New England like Valley Church, needed someone who would not only shepherd, but press on into new areas and bring a team on mission with them. In the end, that was not me and we ended Valley Church in December of 2012. I was blessed to have the chance to go back to MERCYhouse and reconnect with the staff there as the Associate Pastor. In January of 2013, I began at MERCYhouse and once again began to see those areas of shepherding and connection blossom. The staff at MERCYhouse and the people were an amazing blessing during this time. Young families began to grow during what we lovingly referred to as the "Baby Boom"and I consistently found myself counseling and mentoring these families in how to do life, raise and disciple their children, love their spouse and above all, worship Jesus. While at MERCYhouse, I began to realize that there was something else at play in my life that I didn't understand the severity or effects of fully.

Depression
For those of you that know Christie and I, you are aware of a couple of things: 1. I married way, way over my head. 2. My wife has an amazing ability to see through my junk and pinpoint what is going on with me. When Valley Church ended and I took the position at MERCYhouse, she began pointing out what she was seeing in me. She mentioned that the joy that I once had wasn't there and that I was constantly drained by life and people in a way that never had happened before. She encouraged me seek help and prayer. I know at this point, if she were here watching me write this, she would want me to point out that she didn't always point these observations out graciously, but that is the nature of a relationship between a husband and a wife. The point is, she did see these things and then had to deal with me in this state for over two years. I trudged along during this time and struggled daily to find joy or even happiness. The best times were in my home playing with our baby daughter, Mavery, who was born in January of 2014 or watching silly movies and playing games with our girls. Even talking with Christie at times was too much, because I knew we would end up talking about what she was seeing and I just couldn't find it within me to "do" what needed to be done. I recently listened to a podcast by Eric Metaxas where he interviewed TV legend Dick Cavett, who has struggled with severe depression for many years. He explained his depression as being on a couch in your living room and someone telling you that there is a magic wand that can cure your depression on your kitchen table in the next room and depression will convince you that it's not worth getting off the couch because it probably wouldn't work for you anyway. That is exactly how I felt daily. There was little motivation to most things, including really important things that I knew needed to be done, thought through and addressed.
Each morning, that same struggle would be there. "What is the use of getting out of this bed?" "My wife is up and I will relocate from the bed to the couch, but I am in pure survival mode only today. Just make it to 9:00 PM so you can go back to bed." During this same time, I was the Associate Pastor at MERCYhouse, barely. What I mean by that is I would muster whatever motivation I could to perform the task that needed done and hope that would be enough. I knew and others knew it wasn't. There was a greater issue at work here. I finally listened to my wife, emailed our elder team, let them know what was going on, talked with a trusted couple in our church who had dealt with a history of depression and scheduled a doctors appointment where he, apparently using a BuzzFeed questionnaire, diagnosed me as "moderately to severely depressed". (I was hoping I would get Black Widow.)

Where we are.
In May, I resigned as Associate Pastor of MERCYhouse. I truly love MERCYhouse, the staff and the people there, however, it was apparent that what was needed and wanted was not a good fit for the gifts God had given me. So we began to pray about where God wanted us and what He wanted us to do. I applied for several jobs both in and out of ministry, both in and out of New England. During this same time, I was prescribed medication to deal with the depression and the acid reflux that I apparently had been dealing with for years as well. Both of these medications have been blessings from God. Neither is a miracle pill, but both have helped bring me to a place where I don't feel like I am digging out of a 60 foot whole each day. Bringing my feelings in line with the Truth of the Gospel is happening more readily now. Joy seems to be returning. Even through leaving MERCYhouse, there is hope in Jesus. We have prayed that God would lead us to where He wants us and it seems He has opened the door to this new direction.

Where we are going.
Over the past 2 years, I have been working with a local camp in the Pioneer Valley, Pine Brook (http://pinebrookcamp.org)

as a speaker at their camps and retreats. Last year, I began working with their staff on some of the programming that is offered and built a great relationship with them. As we met to discuss an offer to join their Board of Directors, it became evident that I could fulfill a better position on staff with Pine Brook and after some discussion and prayer, we created the position of Spiritual Director at Pine Brook camp. I am very excited about this position because I get to take an existing structure and connect each of those pieces in the structure more clearly to the Gospel. Additionally, I am leading the camp into new territory by creating programming that will encourage and grow the families in the Pioneer Valley as they disciple their children, grow in their marriages and worship Jesus. Lastly, I will be able to use those shepherding skills with a group of staff at the camp which serve in various capacities throughout the summers. Leading this group and seeing them grow in their love of Jesus, their capacity to serve and their worship of Jesus will be part of what I value most in ministry, life on life discipleship. A mentor friend of mine was helping me reflect back on some of the events of the past 8 years and he told me that the measure of our ministry is not in the buildings that were built, the churches that sustained for centuries or the magnitude of the programming, but it is and always has been in the lives that were changed by God and His Holy Spirit and the power of Jesus through our gifts. So, what are we doing now? Being available, obedient, still and knowing that HE IS GOD and doing this out loud, around the people of New England.

Classical Conversations is Amazing! ADJECTIVE VERB ENDING IN S ADJECTIVE VERB VERB ENDING IN ING NOUN ADJECTIVE VERB ADJECTIVE NOUN VERB ENDING IN ING ADJECTIVE ADJECTIVE ADJECTIVE EMOTION PHYSICAL ACTIVITY ADJECTIVE ADJECTIVE VERB ADVERB VERB ADJECTIVE

The Grounds

I'm not sure why, but after a weekend full of tag (also insert "yard", "garage" and "junk") sale activities and preaching, we decided to switch the office and the school room yesterday.
Yesterday, it rained a rain that would make any rain forrest proud, which was an amazing blessing, because it could have rained just as easily and heavily this weekend, but alas, in God's sovereignty, it held off until yesterday. Rearranging always means finding things that you knew were there, but you didn't know you had.

I found cords to cameras and allen wrenches that went to some item from Ikea, but the most significant thing that I found and took a little time to read were my journals. My journals have sat on my bookshelf for nearly 3 years now and I haven't touched them, but as I moved a box of books today I came across one of my journals that I forgot I had. I began writing in it January 28, 2008. I finished this particular journal somewhere around February, of 2009. The last dated journal entry was January 18, 2009. However, there are many pages of full of streams of consciousness, notes from meetings or sermon preparation work after that last dated entry.

What made this particular journal so interesting is that it chronicles the time I spent after leaving Grove Avenue Baptist Church, in Richmond, VA and went through our arrival and start here in Massachusetts. If you were to compare this time in my life to the making of a cup of coffee, this would be the time where you just finished grinding the coffee beans and you are putting the grounds into the filter. It was a raw time, but a time that truly was on the cusp of seeing God brew something good.

As I look at this journal and compare it to other earlier journals, there is a distinct difference in what I am writing. The journals before this one is full of a sing-song dirge of self loathing and self hatred. I was constantly feeling sorry for myself or crucifying myself for various situations, feelings and sins. This journal was different though. For the first time, may ever in my life, I realized I needed to repent and that the work of the cross was sufficient for forgiveness and restoration.

I mourned out failure, fear, frustration, bitterness, hatred, and lots and lots of sin on these pages. But, instead of explaining them away or blaming others (or over-blaming myself), I repented.

I was broken from the "failure" of another ministry and church not succeeding. I was angry at a lot of people, myself included. But what God did was take my broken grounds and pour His Spirit through me as I repented and submitted to Him and He made something good.

He is still making something good.

Fully caffeinated and resting in His Grace,

Ryan

Hot Indignation

I was blessed this morning to get a break from being with my girls to go to the coffee shop and hang out for a couple of hours. As with most trips to the coffee shop, I have an agenda in mind, but it often get's readjusted by my "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" brain or circumstances in general. This morning was no different.

I was not scheduled to meet with anyone today. This was simply a study time. I ordered my usual at the coffee shop. When I know I am preaching on the coming Sunday, I will usually take a few hours to finish up (ahem...start) my sermon on Thursdays or Fridays. At one point when I was preaching regularly at Valley Church, I came in for months straight and ordered the same thing each week, a plain bagel toasted with a side of peanut butter (for only .25 cents extra) and a large coffee. During this stretch, I felt like Norm from Cheers. (Favorite Normisms) Every time I walked in, the baristas knew what I wanted and would even start the order before I reached the counter.

Today was an extra special day, because I got to use my Coffee Club Punch Card to purchase the coffee. After 10 punches on the card, your next cup is free....

BTW, I love the little dance I do with whatever barista is working on the particular day that redeem my card. It always goes something like this -

Barista - "You get a free cup of coffee today. What can I get you?"

Me - "I will take the largest cup of coffee that you are legally allowed to give me with the redemption of said card."

Barista (With simultaneous look of disgust and morbid amusement) - "One large cup of coffee." (Punches buttons on cash register.)

Me - "Do people actually participate in this program and order a small cup of coffee when they get a free cup?"

Barista (With only disgust now.) - "Some people don't want that much caffeine. So they prefer a smaller cup."

Me - "Oh. That seems to be a waste of effort. You pay the price to achieve such an accomplishment of having your card punched 10 times and then you settle for a small cup of coffee when you are allowed to have a large cup of coffee."

Barista (indignant) - "Do you want me to leave you room at the top for cream?"

Me - "Yes please."

Anyway, today was free large cup of coffee day, so the only item that was deducted from the gift card was the price of the bagel and the .25 cent peanut butter (some days you just have to live a little). You might think that I would splurge a bit more and maybe take on something else, say a scone or a fresh macaroon, but to you I say, "Get behind me Satan!"

I sat down ready to take on the text that I was asked to preach from, Psalm 119: 57-64. I had my preaching Bible and my Study Bible with me and I looked forward to spending the hour and a half refining the sermon. I was blessed to preach this sermon already last Sunday at the English Speaking Service of the Chinese Church of Amherst. That particular sermon went really well and really all I wanted to do was tweak some intro items to fit the MERCYhouse audience better and get a clearer understanding of the prior verses in Psalm 119.

As I read Psalm 119 1-56, I was taken back by many things, but verse 53 really sent my mind wondering. The writer writes - "Hot indignation seizes me because of the wicked, who forsake your law. ( ESV)

So here are my thoughts on this verse -

1. "Hot Indignation" would be an amazing name for a band.
2. I am not sure I have been seized by hot indignantion in a long time.
3. Would I need medication if I found myself hotly indignant?
4. Hot Indignation would also be a great name for a dance troupe - See here and here and finally here.
5. Notice why the writer is hotly indignant - because people forsake the law of God. This obviously needs to be understood with Gospel Glasses (thank you Robert Krumrey), but why be so offended (hotly indignant!) that someone would not follow God.
6. Do I need to be hotly indignant about this as well? Why am I not hotly indignant about this?
7. As my friend Matthew Thorne pointed out, "Hot Indignation" would also be a great name for a Taco Truck. (Touché my friend, touché in deed.)
8. Does all of this hot indignation spoken of here connect with church discipline?

So I have now given you a cookie, have fun with that mouse. Can't wait to see where this thought process takes you. 

With much love and fully caffeinated,

Ryan

Being Dad.

You may have noticed I redecorated the place. With all the change that 2012 brought, I thought it would be good to reflect these changes in this blog. One of the greatest blessings of being a pastor is the  times I get to spend discussing, counseling, dreaming and being with others over coffee at a place with a wonderful atmosphere that invites community and connection. Some amazing friends knew what a blessing coffee dates like these were to me and gave me a $50 gift certificate to my favorite local coffee shop. So what I hope to do is show the blessing of this gift by sharing how this time spent is so much more than coffee and caffeine.

I have to admit, $50 worth of coffee is a lot. I considered buying as many large cups of coffee as I could with that amount and spreading them across multiple tables. But alas, that is a lot of cream & sugar. (Yes, I do sissify my coffee a bit. Don't judge me.) I also considered buying a "round" for everyone in the coffee shop, but I simply couldn't pull myself to torture the barista on duty that much. My final thought for what to do with the $50 was to alternate buying the cheapest drink the coffee shop offered and the most expensive drink it offered each visit, but who am I kidding, I have enough things in my life to keep track of, coffee rotations would only add more stress.

I used this gift certificate for the first time today. It was one of the most important appointments that I was able to keep all year. It was a meeting with my three daughters. I took the three of them to get a warm drink after we went snow-sledding this afternoon. Western Mass was blessed with several inches of snow over the last week (White Christmas indeed!) and it all packed up very nicely making the hills around South Hadley frozen sledding lanes of sheer joy for all the kids of the area. The girls had a blast as they raced down the snow packed slope near the building where we used to meet as Valley Church. (More on that later.) We stayed for a little over an hour or just until the lure of a cup of warm hot chocolate could not be ignored any longer. Then we packed our plastic discs and leaky inner tube up in the van and headed to The Thirsty Mind to break into this $50 of caffeinated bliss.


I am playing single Dad this week because Christie has taken a group of Mt. Holyoke students to the Passion Conference in Atlanta. She left Sunday and will be gone until this next Saturday. I love that Christie is getting to experience this event this week with these women. This mentoring and ministry is part of what attracted me to her nearly 17 years ago when we began dating and she still loves to serve young women and point them to Jesus. So I can handle being single Dad for a few days.

First up to order was Kenzie and Kiah, who ordered a hot chocolate with whipped cream on top. This old standby usually lasts about 2 and a half minutes in the hands of these liquid chocolate fiends. Today was no different. No longer had the barista called out, "Two medium hot chocolate's with whipped cream!", and my two youngest girls had downed their drinks without ever coming up for a breath. It was impressive to say the least.

Next, Maddie ordered her favorite drink, a Peppermint Mocha with whipped cream. The combination of Peppermint and Chocolate is seriously too much for Maddie to turn down. Ice cream, cookies, cakes, you name it, it is her favorite. It always has been. My greatest fear has always been that someone would be selling magic Peppermint Mocha beans on the side of the road and Maddie would stop and trade her soul for a jar full. (This is why Maddie is forbidden from talking to strangers with jars full of beans... ever. No exceptions.) This drink didn't last much longer than her sister's drinks despite being served up last.


The final drink of the evening was mine and it was simply a large French Roast with room. I knew I would need to be up late tonight and I couldn't skimp on the caffeine. Unfortunately, the Thirsty Mind does not yet offer their coffee in an  IV bag to be taken intravenously. However, I am sure it on the table for development in 2013. (Patent Pending)

As we sat and enjoyed the ambiance of the Thirsty Mind, we talked about how fun it was to sled today,  what our plan for the rest of the night was and the dinner that we were going to go home to cook. Normally, I am the one at these coffee meetings who leads others and I am expected to have all the answers. Usually I am asking the questions to discover the problems and give the direction, consolation or encouragement. In other words, it was nice today to simply be with my girls and be Dad.

Lately, it has been really important to remember to be Dad. At the beginning of December, the church that we moved to Western Mass to plant, Valley Church, closed it's doors for good. I want to say publicly, that ending was the right decision, but it certainly feels anything but "right", especially as we draw to this reflective time of ending and anticipate new beginnings for 2013. As a man (please understand, I am speaking as a man, simply because I am one and am not inferring that women may not or cannot feel the same way), I struggle to not be identified by the successes and failures in my life and Valley Church has felt like an incredible, rotting, stinking, failure for a while now. With this constantly haunting me, it is hard to fight for joy in being a child of God, a husband and a Dad. Basically, I can't and won't recognize the Truth of Jesus and instead, I settle for the old nature of feeling the failure over and over because I feel like that is what I deserve. Unfortunately, the ones who then are forced to deal with the resulting state primarily are my wife and the girls. This past week, it so bad, I felt I had to move, do something, anything to simply go forward or if not forward, simply a direction different than the direction I was going in. Thank God I have an amazing place like MERCYhouse to move forward to. Today, moving forward meant I sat, drank my coffee, watched the girls enjoy theirs and took in the moment.

When I got this $50 gift certificate, I anticipated having deep, wonderful meetings and seeing God do amazing things. I didn't, however, know that the first appointment was solely for me. My girls were conductors of God's grace today as we sat and enjoyed our time together. I was recharged by this moment and God showed me Truth during this time. I still feel like a failure. Trusting Jesus in these moments and through these situations is a process of relationship. Today, I need to trust Him and experience His grace for what is true. Today, I need to recognize what I am feeling for what it is, feelings. They do not define me or determine who (or Whose) I am, was and will be. Thank you God for Jesus and what He did on the cross, which now truly defines and determines who and Whose I am.

So after today, there is $36.36 left on the gift certificate. I certainly look forward to spending it well. Happy 2013!

Coming Soon

Coming soon. The Rise of the McCullah Blog.

Colossians 3 Pt. 1

I was privileged to preach on this amazing text on March 21st at Valley Church. This was a continuing series on the Book of Colossians that we started in January and will end on the 28th of March. It has been a very Jesus centered book that was a great kickoff to Valley Church.

Three weeks ago, we looked at Colossians 3:1-4 - If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the the things that are above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set our minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

These verses set the tone for everything else that we saw in Colossians 3. Colossians 3 is full of very practical encouragements from Paul. He follows these verses up by commanding, imploring the people of the Colossians' Church to put to death sexual immorality, impurity, wrongful passion. He also encourages them to take off anger, deceit, lying, malice and slander.

Likewise, Paul encourages the church to put on compassion, kindness, humility and meekness, as well as having an attitude of forgiveness because they have been forgiven of so much. Paul connects the first 2 Chapters of Colossians with what he is encouraging in verse 14 & 15 when he says: "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts... let the word of Christ dwell in you richly..."

Paul lays out that putting to death and putting on these things, again, are works of the Spirit that prompt and compel our own willful acts. In other words, we see and experience the good love of the father and our champion Jesus Christ and in light of that, we are compelled to submit ourselves to what He asks us to kill (confess and repent of, flee from, consider of no worth or without life, decomposing) and put on knowing that these actions will bring life to the fullest and pleasing worship, not to mention the true work of the church.

If there is one thing to say about Colossians to this point it is this, it is Jesus centered. Jesus from beginning to end is the hero. He goes before us, lives in us, and is behind us. This Jesus centeredness is the foundation for what comes next in Colossians 3:18-4:1. Stay tuned for Colossians 3 Pt. 2

People Watching in Western MA

I am not sure if this creepy or not, but I love people watching. I love watching what is so important to people and how they react when those important things are challenged or threatened. The mall is the best place to people watch. There are plenty of "important" things for people to pursue and their facial expressions, body language and to a much lesser extent, their own words write the story of that pursuit. It is quite hilarious and at times really discouraging to see human depravity at it's finest.

However now, being a church planter/pastor/older creepy guy, I find the local coffee shop to be a much appreciated and richer place to watch people go about the "important" things in their lives. The coffee shop is much less

out loud and much more introspective, which is fine with me, because I get to create their inner monologue.

Unfortunately, today, their was a young woman who decided to not have a silent inner monologue, but in a tragic decision, decided to let everyone in the coffee shop know what she was thinking. It started when she walked in. She was wearing a green shirt that simply said

"Treehugger" across the front. (Ryan's internal monologue insight #1:"Sister tree's aren't the only things getting hugged by that tight shirt right now." ) She proceeds to walk up to the

counter loudly talking to her friend about "What this area really needs is...". I can't honestly tell you anything after that, because I have been conditioned by Fox News, talk radio and a history of a legalistic church to shut down upon hearing those words.

She orders her Chai tea with non-fat organic creamer and a twig from a holly bush and sits at the table next to me and begins to include all the coffee shop in the conversation she is having with her friend. The topic? I have no idea. I'm not sure there was a common thread to any of the conversation. It began with a story about seeing an ad for free massages. (Ryan's internal monologue #2: "If you see an ad for a "Free Massage" and you think, "What a great idea! I can't wait to partake of this soothing activity from a total stranger at their house out of earshot of anyone outside the house who could help me if the masseuse decides to tenderize your head with a sledgehammer", then you deserve to die a grizzly death I guess.) The girl then continued telling the story about going to the address of the ad and finding a couple who gave massages (Ryan's internal monologue #3 - All I can think of is this: Will Ferrell Hot Tub Lovers) and had lots of cats. (R I M #4 - Of course they did.)

As if this weren't enough, in the same sentence, without a break, this conversation turns to the geological make up of the mountains of Western Massachusetts. I am not kidding. There was no cheesy transition like, "Speaking of relaxing activities, I was studying the geology of the mountains of Western Massachusetts the other day to relax from a long day of being exposed to the soul stealing entities of electricity and indoor plumbing, and you will never guess what I found out, they are mining those mountains for Pixie Stix!". Nothing like that. It was as if someone just pushed the button to change the channel on the conversation in mid sentence. Free massages from a flyer one minute and Historical Geology the next.

However, the most random and telling thing happened after the tight-shirted treehugger's (R I M #5 - I don't say "treehugger" in a Fox News/Rush Limbaugh derogatory way. I refer more to the self-labeling and circulation challenging t-shirt) friend left the coffee shop and she was left alone. As they were settling into their table, the tree hugger stood up quickly and announced that she needed sugar in her organic, chai, rosebud flavored tea. However, as she stood up, she glanced at her friend, saw that there was something wrong and then sat back down just as quickly and said, "Silly me, I am drinking chai, you don't need sugar for chai." The conversation about the massage and the rocks then took place and about 20 minutes later, the tree huggers friend left the coffee shop. As soon as the door closed, the tree hugger went over to the condiments table and dumped sugar into her tea, drank two sips and poured it out.

When we first arrived in Western MA, we were introduced to the culture by a variety of sources. A couple of women who had just recently graduated from Mount Holyoke College took us around campus and explained how it is common for women to arrive on campus and change their identity a full 180 degrees just to fit in. These changes usually take many forms and some much more drastic than what I saw this morning, but it was a great reminder of who we are ministering to. And it also was a blast to watch.

"My hypocrisy knows no bounds."

Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday, Tombstone

Achan in Our Bones. Pt. 2

This happened. Jesus happened. Jesus paid the debt that was and is owed. He satisfied the wrath of God forever. All of God’s wrath was poured out at the cross. Just listen to these verses:

I Corinthians 5:21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Romans 5:9 Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.

Romans 3:21 But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it— 22 the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, 25 whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. 26 It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

Hebrews 2:17 Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. 18 For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

I John 2:2 He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.

I John 4:9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

To sum up all of these verses again, God didn’t change. He is a Holy God who still demands a sacrifice for transgressions against Him and mistrust in His character. However, this is a Holy price that we are incapable of paying. In fact, Paul says that the law, the Old Testament rules and regulations by which Israel lived and which Jesus fulfilled were given to prove we are incapable.

Enter Jesus. All of history is HIS Story of redemption. All history is His Story of rescue and propitiation, taking on what He wasn’t guilty of to pay the high price of the guilty, which includes me, you, everyone of us who have ever lived the Bible says.

But wait a second. When we examine Achan, you have to point out that he really Sinned, with a capital “S”. This was a big deal. 1.8 million dollars? From God non the less. That is a big time crime. Granted. It was a big deal.

But are we really any different than Achan. Look at what Achan took from God: His gold and silver.

Who is responsible for providing for you? Who gives good gifts to His children and provides for their every need? Biblically, all of our life and everything in it is God’s. He deserves it all. Do we withhold even a portion of it? Do we take from His “first fruits” to do the things we think we want and need because be believe if we don’t we will not be taken care of? Do we date and do relationships the way we want because doing the way God wants is too constricting and not nearly as fun? All of these steal from Him. All of these are acts of worship of us. In each case, we tell God we are better god than He is. That is no different than what Achan has done.

What about that “goodly Babylonish garment”? Wearing or even owning this Babylonian robe would have given Achan or anyone who owned it status, great status. For a Jew to have it and wear it around would have been saying, “Look what I have now! Look what I did! I defeated the Babylonians!” It is saying, “I came, I saw, I conquered.” Simply, Achan’s sin is the foundational sin of all other sins I believe, pride. Achan, like us wanted this garment to wear and gain status with whoever would recognize it and admire it and in turn, admire him for having it. Babylonian garments are not quite as chic as they used to be, but many other things certainly are. Certain technology, the right car, clothing, style or look and even the right cause to support all serve as pride boosters for us. We cloak ourselves in these things to gain favor from others. We gain status by owning them and using them. Again, we are no different than Achan.

Some of you may be hearing this and saying, sure I do those things, but I do these other things to make up for it. I am saving the planet or I treat others with respect at all times or I even read my Bible a lot. The Bible calls this philosophy religion. Jesus doesn’t think to highly of it and Paul call your own “earned righteousness”, a bloody tampon. (Take it up with Paul.)

We cannot earn our way back to God. Achan could not “do” anything to satisfy God’s righteous wrath. He sinned against God. Done deal. He was doomed. He couldn’t take it back, give it back, say he was sorry in a real sincere tone, wax the Ark of the Covenant and be OK. Being right with God doesn’t work that way.

Only through the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ can we be right with Jesus. Only through what this bread and this cup signify is true life found. On the night before Jesus was brutally murdered as the last and only complete sacrifice, He took bread like this and said, “This is my body, given for you.” He is pointing to being that sacrifice for us that we cannot pay. Also that night, He took the cup and prayed over it and said, “This is my blood of the covenant poured out for many…” He again pointed to this being a covenant between His Father and us. This covenant like the covenant Dan talked about last week has God’s roles and our roles spelled out. God’s role; to come, live a perfect life, die a horrible death, raise from that death on the third day and then give us forgiveness and life from our past sins, current sins and future sins. Our role: Believe, follow, and allow His light to shine in us for His glory and our perfect good.

For many of you today, accepting this gift of salvation and no longer being responsible for the curse and penalty of your sin is as simple as praying to God and asking His forgiveness and accepting this grace. Remember when Joshua told Achan to “give glory to the God of Israel and give praise..”? This is what you have a chance to do this morning. Pray this to Jesus. Tell Him you have sinned and need His rescue now. Then, step out this morning and partake in this communion. There is nothing magical about this bread or this juice (It was probably bought at Big Y and their aren’t many magical things there.), however, what it represents is supernatural. Jesus did die for your sins and is offering you salvation this morning.

For those of you who have been rearranging your flesh to do the good things and stay away from the bad things in hopes of earning enough God points to be OK, repent of your religion. Pray that Jesus would forgive you for being self-reliant and for not submitting yourself to Him. Come and take this communion and remember that the cross only gives us freedom to live, love and worship.

For those of you who are living in this grace and mercy now, let this again remind us of the greatness of our Savior King. Respond to this message again in a fresh way by going crazy as you sing to your Savior this morning. Take the words to these songs and put deep inside of you and let them explode out as you sing. Worship out loud this morning for the glory of our King Jesus.

We all share in Achan’s sin. We are all guilty of the same pride that he had which God took issue with, however, we are now offered the love of a Savior Who has loved and rescued us from our own death.

Achan in Our Bones. Pt. 1

This is the rather long manuscript from my sermon I was blessed to preach at MERCYhouse last Sunday. Thanks Robert for the opportunity!

Get Real: Joshua Chapter 7

For those of you who don’t know me, I am Ryan McCullah and I am the planting pastor of Valley Church, a church that is a church plant from MERCYhouse and part of the 2020 Vision.

We are currently hosting 3 House Churches in the South Hadley and Holyoke area right now and our Leadership Team is meeting weekly to pray and prepare for our official launch in April. It has been an amazing year here at

MERCYhouse and I anticipate the launch with an equal amount of excitement and sadness because we know we will not be able to see many of you on a weekly basis like we get to now. However, we are clear about what God is doing and we believe He is using us to speak to the dry bones of the Pioneer Valley like God asked Ezekiel to in the book of Ezekiel.

We have been studying this amazing book of Joshua for 8 weeks now and I hope that you have been as encouraged, blessed and challenged as I have by this amazing book and the messages that Robert and last week Dan have brought from this book. I hope to continue representing this text authentically and in a way that will continue to encourage, bless and challenge.

I have been in ministry now for 13 years and one of the most difficult parts of teaching the Bible is dealing with scripture like we will find in Joshua Chapter 7. Before we begin, let’s pray and read the scripture.

READ Joshua 7

Last week, Dan taught on the miraculous events surrounding the fall of the great walled city of Jericho. God provided the victory through some very specific means and had very specific desires about how the city was to be left after it’s defeat. Like Dan said last week, God knew His role and commanded that Jericho be fully destroyed and it’s gold, silver and other vessels of bronze and iron be taken into the treasury of the Lord. He expected the Israel to know it’s role and obey. However, we will see this week that this didn’t happen.

After Jericho was defeated, Joshua set his sights on the small nearby city of Ai. Ai was a much smaller and less fortified area than Jericho, but sat up much higher in elevation than Jericho, which was believed to be some 750 below sea level. This is kind of like conquering the mainline United States, but falling in defeat to the state of Hawaii. (Don’t laugh, those coconuts and pineapples hurt if you get hurt with them. You have to be trained to know how to defend yourself against passion fruit.) However, when we compare and contrast the attack of Jericho with the attack at Ai, we see a few things emerge.

First, nowhere do we see God tell Joshua to attack Ai. Neither do they ask God whether they should or not. This seems to be a result of a Jericho victory hangover. It seems as if these are quite the over confident actions. In fact, Joshua only sends a small group of 3,000 men to attack Ai.

Second, notice how Chapter 7 begins. “But the people of Israel broke faith…”. The whole nation was is in the path of God’s anger. We see that the perpetrator of these actions that have caused God’s anger is one man, Achan.

God rightly commanded that the whole city of Jericho be burned and the gold, silver and vessels of bronze and iron be brought into the treasury of the Lord. This was a common practice when a land was defeated to take the “spoils” of the first city and put them within the treasury of the Lord. Basically, this was a war chest of all the gold, silver and precious items from the first fallen city of every land. These items were brought together and everyone recognized that they were set apart for the Lord. They were the Lord’s. The items or spoils from the rest of the cities of the conquered lands were then given to the people. We later find out that Achan had stolen some of the spoils and hid them in his tent. It was one man’s actions; however, the whole nation is culpable and must suffer the consequences. They collectively are all guilty of breaking the covenant they made with God.

They then suffer by experiencing an embarrassing defeat at Ai. They suffer by not moving fully into the promise of what God had promised them.

They suffered by not being OK with God.

Joshua came mourning before God and asking why this happened. God spoke very clearly when He said that the reason for this defeat was that sin had come to people of God. Sin was the problem. Sin needed to be dealt with.

God then commanded Joshua to lead. He commanded Joshua to gather all the people. God was ready to hunt the one who broke faith in regard to the devoted things of Jericho. In Chapter 6, God told Joshua to tell the people to stay way from the things of Jericho that were described as “devoted things for destruction”. These things included everything inside the walls of Jericho including the “spoils of war”: gold, precious treasures, fine garments and other valuables of this immense walled city.

So why was God so concerned with His people staying away from these things? Because, God describes them as objects of destruction. Because they are objects of destruction! They destroy! Hurt! Bad! Danger Will Robinson, Danger! I believe it is the same reason I was angry recently, when I found my youngest daughter Kiah wielding a large kitchen knife trying to get into her birthday presents after I had told her no. Why was I angry? Am I a control freak who hates the thought of my youngest daughter having fun and enjoying her birthday presents? No. I am a father who hates the thought of my daughter bringing me 3 severed fingers covered in blood saying, “Look what I did Daddy!”

So how did God deal with this sin? He had the people consecrate themselves, which included separating themselves out from one another, washing their clothes and abstaining from sexual relations for a period of time. He then had everyone wake up early in the morning, gather in their tribes and then God performed the most terrifying game of pick’em in history. (Not only is getting picked last in this game embarrassing, but it is life threatening. Kind of like “Duck, Duck, Dead”) He narrowed down the peoples by clans and then by individual families until Achan had been identified as the culprit.

Joshua then approaches Achan and asks him to “give glory to the Lord God of Israel and give praise…”. Interesting wording there. But we will come back to that.

Achan comes clean and tells Joshua that he took a beautiful cloak from Shinar, 200 shekles (80 lbs) of silver and a bar of gold weighing 50 shekles (20 lbs). A side note here, to put this in perspective, this amount of gold and silver actually adds up to roughly the amount of wages a common worker would earn in a lifetime. (Median income in MA – about $60,000 a year – 30 years – $1.8 million)

The amount is not the offense necessarily, even though it is immense, the real issue is Who he stole from. Let’s examine this for second. You see, this is not an 8^th commandment issue (Thou shalt not steal), it is really a first commandment issue (You shall have no other God’s before Me.) Achan is really questioning God’s character by taking these for himself. He is literally saying that God will not take care of him well enough, so he has to take from God to take care of himself. Achan is saying that he is a better god than God. See how this offends God? See how questioning His goodness could be an issue?

God was so offended by Achan’s sin that He brings swift and permanent judgment on Achan. Joshua sends men to dig up the tainted treasure and bring it back and lays it before God, Achan and the people to all see. Once there, Joshua and the men gathered everything of Achan’s; his livestock, the gold and silver, the tent he lived in and even his family. Then, they stoned Achan and his family and lit the remaining things on fire.

As shocking as that is, this next part may be even more shocking. This action of violence and vengeance actually satisfied God’s wrath. The chapter ends by saying, “Then the Lord turned from his burning anger.”

What?! This violence and vengeance satisfied God? That is so out of kilter with the God that we hear about all the time right? This simply doesn’t fit! How can this be? This seems like a totally different God than the one we see in the New Testament right? If this is truly Who God is, then He will not fit in here in Western MA. He is way too intense for this place. This sounds like such a different God than the one we see Robert talk about each week. Is it that it’s me? Is it that Ryan drew the short straw and only represents Vengeance-God and Robert gets to teach about, post counseling, “on His meds” God? What is so different? What has changed?!!!!

The De-Churched

Time flies.

A year ago today, our friend and fellow warrior in Christ, Baranbu Ochunyi passed away.

Keep dancing for Jesus my friend, we will join with you one day.

To read the Eulogy, go here.

Testify.

I was honored to preach at MERCYhouse on 8/16/09 on I John 5:6-12. Here is the manuscript of that sermon. I hope it is used to glorify Christ.

I John 5:6-12

It seems as if we have spent a lot of time hearing from this dude, the Apostle John. We studied his account of the life, death and glorious resurrection of his best friend Jesus. We saw as he told stories that no other account told and really gave insights that were very unique about the God/Man, Jesus.

All summer, we have been tracking as this same John has been writing and telling of how this love of Jesus practically plays out in our lives. I think now would be a good time to reassess what we know of John.

Remember, John and his brother James were apostles, disciples and followers of Jesus. It is believed that this same John wrote the Gospel of John, I, II & III John as well as the book of Revelations. However, to really know what happened to John as a person as he followed Christ, we have to look at a story about John that he conveniently left out of his Gospel account (and I think you will see why).

In Matthew 20:20-28 we see James and John accompany their mom to see Jesus. The purpose of this visit is to ask Jesus a very important question. John’s whole family, it appears, is very interested in being seen as so important that one day, John and James will be able to sit one at the right hand and one at the left hand of Jesus. Being able to follow Jesus gave John the opportunity to see what power and ability there would be in the future if they continued to follow Jesus. This opportunity was very inviting and worth the chance to approach Jesus to see if they qualified. So the question really has to be what does John hope to be defined as by doing this? It seems that early on, John wanted to be defined or known as important and needed. He had his Mom ask for him to sit at Jesus right hand. This signified a place of power, honor and trust.

However, as John wrote his Gospel, which is dated later than all the other Gospels, we see that he defined himself in a totally different way. In John 21:7 we see John describe himself this way, “That disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter…” (Emphasis added) Do you see it? When John wrote his account of his best friend Jesus and he mentioned himself here, John refers to himself, defines himself and calls himself nothing more than the “disciple whom Jesus loved”. Something happened from the beginning of Jesus ministry to the end of his life that John witnessed which moved John to desire to be defined in a wholly different way.

I think we will get a glimpse into what John witnessed to change his stripes when we look at what he wrote in I John 5:6-12.

This is he who came by water and blood – Jesus Christ; not by the water only but by the water and the blood. And the Spirit is the one who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth. For there are three that testify, the Spirit and the water and the blood; and these three agree.

John continues in verse 6 building on the trustworthiness of Christ for our faith. In verses 4&5, he reminds us that faith in Jesus Christ can only overcome the world. Beginning here in verse 6, we see John begin to lay what I call the “rebar” portion of I John.

Rebar or reinforcing bar, is a common steel bar, and is commonly used in reinforced concrete and reinforced masonry structures. It is usually formed from carbon steel, and is given ridges for better mechanical anchoring into the concrete. It can also be described as reinforcement or reinforcing steel.

Here, we see John reinforce this whole chapter in which he has over and over again encouraged us to love one another, know that we are children of God, walk in the light and overcome the world. In verse 6, he lays out that there is a message, a testimony in which God, Himself, is communicating a foundational truth. John lays out that truth by first reminding us that Jesus came by both water and blood.

We understand the blood part pretty well. Jesus came as a human, full of breath and blood and poured out that blood as a literal sacrifice for the propitiation of our sin. He had to come by blood in order to shed it for us.

So what does the water mean? Some commentary study on these verses brings you to see that what is probably referred to here, is the baptism of Jesus. So what made that such a big deal? Well, look at Matthew3:13-17.

13 Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to John, to be baptized by him. 14 John would have prevented him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?” 15 But Jesus answered him, “Let it be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness.” Then he consented. 16 And when Jesus was baptized, immediately he went up from the water, and behold, the heavens were opened to him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and coming to rest on him; 17 and behold, a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.”

Jesus presents Himself to John the Baptist to go through a public act that was being used to show the cleansing that was to come. By offering himself to be baptized, Jesus is endorsing John’s ministry and identifying with sinful people he came to save through his substitutionary life and death.

(Kierkegaard’s Parable Video).

This event was one of the events in scripture where we see each member of the Trinity together. Jesus is lowering Himself to serve and be served, therein glorifying the Father by this act of submission. God the Father peaks down from heaven and yells, “That’s my Boy!” and sends the Spirit, which John says is the Truth, to rest on Jesus to affirm Who He truly Is.

Do you see it there? Do you see the testimony that is given in this event? If you don’t, John is about to spell it out for you.

If we receive the testimony of men, the testimony of God is greater, for this is the testimony of God that he has born concerning his Son. Whoever believes in the Son of God has the testimony in himself. Whoever does not believe God has made him a liar, because he has not believed in the testimony that God has born concerning his Son.

John makes the point that if we receive the testimony of man, then how much more should we receive the testimony of God. We often accept the accounts and testimonies of people and weight them against their character. John, rightly, says that sense it is in our nature to trust according to character, then how trustworthy is the testimony of God and His Spirit about Jesus?

What are the consequences of not believing this testimony? Unbelief is actually a question of God’s character. It is offensive and provoking to God directly to His face when we do not believe Him. It is the original sin of the garden. Adam and Eve both questioned the character of God and went against how He was loving them.

MERCYhouse, it is beyond simply saying or thinking that we believe God. It is living in that love. James rightly says that faith without the works to back up that faith is futile. Faith in the testimony and character of God, without the life lived out to show His love isn’t really faith. You see, when we live knowing and trusting God, we become part of the testimony. John says that here. He says we have the “testimony within himself.” So MERCYhouse, do we believe the testimony of God more than we believe the testimony of men? Do we have the testimony within us? Do you individually believe God’s testimony above the testimony of man or woman or even yourself? What about beyond what we see, sense, fear, feel or want?

And this is the testimony that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.

So here is the payoff. This is the big picture, the main point, what it is all about. This is God’s testimony – He gave us eternal life in His Son Jesus. Whoever accepts Christ, His grace and mercy, which are capable of forgiving us of all unrighteousness, we begin to live. We then are given life.

A few years back, I was watching one of the many disaster movies that came out and found myself enjoying it more than most. Toward the end of this movie, Armageddon, there was this scene that I want to show you now that I think communicates a bit of what John is talking about here.

Armageddon Clip

(I couldn't get this clip to load. But it is the clip at the end where they draw straws and Affleck draws the short straw and Bruce Willis pulls his oxygen hose and throws him back in the elevator.)

I love this clip because it shows an amazing picture of sacrifice. In one of his few movies roles that actually doesn’t make me want to vomit into my hat, Ben Affleck shows what true worship actually looks like. After Bruce Willis pulls Affleck’s oxygen hose and shoves him into the elevator and Affleck realizes the sacrifice that has been made, he responds to this love that is shown by crying out to Willis that he loved him.

This clip, however, is really flawed when we measure it against the love and sacrifice that Christ showed for us. To be more accurate, the movie would have to depict these men somehow creating a giant asteroid, launching it from space toward earth willfully and then coming back to earth to deal with the consequences of the collision, which they have no ability, desire or capacity to deal with. (Somehow, I can’t see that being a Hollywood Summer Blockbuster.) However, the picture of someone who did not draw the short straw taking our place and paying the price we could not pay is accurate and does echo the great sacrifice of Christ.

We have no capacity for life. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We are dead in our trespasses and sin. Paul calls us still born. We are in need of rescue and John points out clearly here that Jesus is our Rescuer. Life does not exist outside of Jesus Christ.

So what is standing between you and Him today? No matter what it is, He is bigger. He has paid for you when you couldn’t. So what is your response today? What is your heart bursting to do, sing, or cry out today? Live authentically today in the light of Our King.